Not Just Another Brick in the Wall

 Listening to the NYT podcast this morning about the reconstruction of Notre Dame reminded me of this story about Christopher Wren, the architect responsible for rebuilding St. Paul Cathedral.

    One day in 1671, Wren observed three bricklayers on a scaffold, one crouched, one half-standing, and one standing tall, working very hard and fast. Wren asked the first bricklayer, “What are you doing?” to which the bricklayer replied, “I’m a bricklayer. I’m working hard, laying bricks to feed my family.” The second bricklayer responded, “I’m a builder. I’m building a wall.” But the third bricklayer, the most productive of the three and the group's future leader, when asked, “What are you doing?” replied with a gleam in his eye, “I’m a cathedral builder. I’m building a great cathedral to The Almighty.”

Some time ago, a friend left a conversation with me by asking me to consider, very broadly, how he could help me.

I was a bit flabbergasted. I could not remember a time when someone just asked me that simple question. Recently, we met again for coffee, and he asked me if I had come up with an answer. I admitted that I struggled with the question but had given it some thought. I recognized that I have felt adrift lately. I explained that I felt I had potential that I was not reaching, personally and professionally, and, feeling clever, I asked for help avoiding complacency and/or nihilism. To which he responded, "Where does denial fit in that?" I wasn't unprepared for the question and had no satisfactory answer.

In his wisdom, he set that aside and began a conversation about a workbook that found him at a pivotal time, which helped him reorient and clarify his understanding and purpose. (He gifted me a copy, but that's a tale for another day.) Later in the conversation, almost unrelatedly, we started talking about his system of organizing the goals, concepts, and principles in his life that are most important to him to ensure they stay front-of-mind for him at all times. With him was his small planner, which he has divided into the three primary categories of his life. This planner contains detailed, living, frequently updated, reviewed and amended reminders about his pursuits, plans, and outlines of intentions for each of those arenas.

Christopher Wren's story tells us that the differences between one's outlook and potential are found in purpose, recognizing that each brick is part of a larger plan.

As is each bricklayer.

My friend had done the work necessary to determine what was most important to him (understanding his cathedral) and recognized that accomplishments in those areas of life would not just happen on their own. So, he set out to prepare his bricks, and by caring for his bricks, my friend understood how to build his cathedral. When I asked for help avoiding complacency or nihilism, I saw this as a spectrum between accepting things as they are (believing that either they are good enough as is) or, apathetically, none of it matters. When asked, "Where does denial fit in that?" he might have been asking, what are you really avoiding? It is clear that I knew neither of these mindsets was serving me, but I have been struggling for some time to see a way forward past just treading water.

Really, though I didn't have the language for it at the time, I was asking for help recognizing if I had a cathedral, and if so, was I caring for the bricks?

Being a human is hard, but friends who ask, "How can I help?" make it a little easier. Like all great conversations, this is only the start, and I know more will come. I did not sit down today to describe my purpose, only to admit and reflect that I am the second bricklayer. I have work to do to clarify my cathedral. It is challenging to look up from the brick in our hands, from another day at work, another day at the gym, another dinner on the table, another load of laundry, to see the cathedral we're building. One quick example that comes to mind is that regularly cleaning the house is about having a relaxing environment where I'm comfortable having company. In that light, the cleaning of the house is a brick in the cathedral of building deeper relationships with the people in my life.

What is your cathedral? What are your bricks? Are you treading water?

How can I help?