Offramps and The Road of Trials

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Blow up your off-ramps.


How committed to change are you? Are you making a change or testing out the idea of a change? 

Are you all in or leaving escape routes in place for when it's time to cut and run? 


'If you want what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done?' -Unk


    I started a daily Thai chi practice in June. This has involved setting aside about 20 minutes, typically in the mornings, to do some slow gentle movement and breathing exercises. I’m doing this with the hopes of prolonging and improving my joint flexibility and overall mental focus which are part of my overall goals of longevity and productivity. Why am I telling you this? Maybe I am patting myself on the back. This is a good thing, right? And I mean I have been fairly consistent, missing only a few days here or there. I tell myself, it is okay that I skip it on the days when I want to sleep in and/or have other morning commitments. I tell myself, I could do it in the afternoon, it’s so quick and easy. In the afternoon I might say, I’m not sure what I’m even getting out of this, it is so gentle. Is this productive, eh, skip it today. 


    So, do I really have a ‘daily’ Thai Chi practice? Do I really want to protect my future elder self from balance issues and limited flexibility? Those are not the important questions, Brad. The important question is, are you doing what you set out to do or not? Or, am I taking the "off-ramps", the mental, logistical, and habitual excuses that make it all too simple to take the easy path that leads to places one's already been? 


    In last week's blog, I mentioned a literary device used repeatedly in heroes' journey stories, the Road of Trials. These are usually character-developing trials a protagonist endures on the way to becoming their best most successful selves. From Wikipedia: "The road of trials is a series of tests that the hero must undergo to begin the transformation. Often the hero fails one or more of these tests..."1 

    Well, hero, if you’re reading this blog, I hope you’re willing to accept that the road of trials is going to be a part of your life. Choosing a life of self-discovery and growth is like saying to the universe, ‘Don’t take it easy on me coach.’ That’s the cost we’re paying to get the transformation. One doesn’t get character development without character-developing trials, or, said another way, 'A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.' -F.D.R. 

    It shouldn't surprise anyone that I love a good inspirational quote so here's another, “There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them.” -R. Martson

Three points here: 

  • There will be obstacles as we pursue our goals. (Many will be self-created.)
  • We can prepare for (most of) them. 
  • We (hopefully) can learn from them.

    When life gets hectic and challenges arise, it is easy to fall into old habits and longstanding self-scripts. But we can prepare for hard days by eliminating some easy outs that plague our ambitions. And that is why I say start by blowing up your off-ramps. These off-ramps are highly individualized depending on you and your goal and it will take some reflection to identify where on your path obstacles regularly push you back and what proactive changes can you make to blow those off-ramps up. But, I will share two general styles of off-ramps I've encountered many times.

    One is the ‘just in case’ (JIC) style. An example of this might be the person on a diet that keeps a pint of ice cream in the freezer JIC for days when they ‘just can’t take it.’ Another example might be keeping the contact information of some toxic person we should cut out of our lives, you know, just in case. This is like carrying a bomb and calling it a parachute. If you or someone close to you has severe allergies keeping an Epi-Pen just in case makes sense. Keeping a pack of cigarettes in your glove compartment just in case things get really stressful? Not so much, if you want to quit smoking. That JIC isn't letting you learn how to cope without the thing. Blow up those off-ramps!

    Another sneaky off-ramp is the ‘just this once’ (JTO) style. This phrase often gets used as a get-out-of-jail-free card. I mean, it can't be that bad if I just do it once, right? I’m behind on my credit card bills but we all have to live a little, I can get that new outfit, just this once. I've been doing great with my workout routine, I can skip it and binge that show that just came out, just this once. I urge you if you have a stated growth goal that you’re not making the progress you want on, to start noting somewhere every JTO you allow yourself. When you go to mark that second or third JTO, let the irony set in. Then tell that JTO to GTFO.

    Examples of blowing up one’s off-ramps might be the alcoholic pouring their hidden last vodka stash down the drain, or the overweight person throwing their cookies in the trash bin. It might be going a different way to avoid a store where they have an unhealthy spending habit. Or it could be employing the trick where you freeze your credit card in a jar of water. (So you can’t get to it impulsively.) 

    One of the off-ramps I blew up a while back was donating the too-big clothes I'd been holding onto. You know, JIC I slipped back into bad habits and put a few pounds back on. This summer when I gave myself a few JTOs and my pants started feeling tight, I realized I'm either going to have to buckle down (pun intended) or I'm going to have to buy new bigger clothes. The decision to get back on my diet plan was a ...cinch. 

    The JTO had been creeping into my Tai Chi practice. This insidious permission to slack has got to go so I'm working on a system of accountability like calendar tracking which I can then make into its own practice and that will make it harder to just this once skip doing it. There will be 'those days' when outside forces test our resolve. Ultimately, blowing up one's off-ramps is about deciding, in advance, to make it harder to make poor choices in moments of weakness. It is not easy and we will make mistakes. The definition included above acknowledges, "Often the hero fails one or more of these tests." These off-ramps, whether 'just in case' scenarios or 'just this once' indulgences, can divert us from our intended path. But, if we're committed to growth, we can by dismantling these excuses, and avoiding familiar pitfalls, create a space for true transformation. 

Have a great week!

Brad


1. Hero's journey. (2023, July 4). In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hero%27s_journey


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